I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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