Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
