ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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