OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
