these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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