come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
