He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He passed out mid-signature
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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