So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
