He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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