You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
