Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
