Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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