Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
