College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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