My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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