you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
