Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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