You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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