uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
