I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
