i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
