I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
