i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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