I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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