The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
