see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
