I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
