This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
