Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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