i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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