Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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