I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
