My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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