the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
