I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
