defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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