So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
