i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
