god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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