After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
