In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
