Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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