she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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