now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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