i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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