we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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