New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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