lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
