I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
