i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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