My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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