I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
