She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
