I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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