I want to have your abortion
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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