I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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