I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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