i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
