if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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