I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
